The WWE Collections
by Im-A-Horror-Freak
Summary: AKA, Just PURE FUN! :P This is a short collection of totally random short plays involving my favorite WWE superstars, retired, released, or still running. The chapters will not be connected in any sort of way, because it's well…haphazardly fun! :
1. Dine and Deliberate

**The WWE Collections**

AKA, Just PURE FUN! :P

_This is a short collection of totally random short plays involving my favorite WWE superstars, retired, released, or still running. _

_The chapters will not be connected in any sort of way, because it's well…random!_

_Let's start off with the first one of the night._

**Dine and Deliberate**

Starring:

Trish Stratus - Jeff Hardy

Amy "Lita" Dumas - Matt Hardy

Maria Kanellis - John Cena

Candice Michelle - Randy Orton

And Shawn Michaels

* * *

_Our group of favorite wrestlers is seen at an outdoor restaurant late at night, just because they could. The private table they were at was on a balcony that overlooked a shimmering body of water, and paper ball lights accented the balcony; it was truly a marvelous sight. They were in the celebratory mood, yet there was nothing to be celebrated. Friendship maybe, but that was celebrated every day._

**CANDICE: **So then Randy PICKED UP the cat, and proceeded to carry it around the WHOLE date. I swear, some people thought he was my GBF.

**JEFF: **"GBF"?

**SHAWN: **You young people and your superfluous, confusing acronyms…

**RANDY: **It means Gay Best Friend, AND…Candice, that poor kitten was crying its little heart out! It needed love!

**MATT: **Then why did you, of all people, come to its rescue?

_The whole group heartily laughed as Randy pursed his lips in displeasure._

**RANDY: **It doesn't hurt to have a compassionate side. It draws the ladies in. _raises eyebrows and grins at Candice_

**CANDICE: **Yeah. Right.

**JEFF: **You draw me in Randy. _Copies Randy's past move_

**RANDY: **Oh HELL yes.

**CANDICE: **…Yeah, GBF.

**AMY: **Notion seconded!

**SHAWN: **_grunts_Young people.

**MARIA: **Y'know Shawn, if you have such a problem with "young people", why do you choose to associate with them?

**SHAWN: **Because it gives me great satisfaction to look out at your young faces, and see so much opportunity, talent, and hope for the future.

_The rest of the group smiles._

**SHAWN: **…And be able to say I still look better then all of you _combined._

**JOHN: **Yeah right.

**RANDY: **No way old man.

**MATT: **That is unheard of.

**JEFF: **Yes, unheard of.

**MATT: **Hey Jeff, how about coming up with your own insult?

**JEFF: **_hangs head _I'm sorry…

_Trish affectionately rubs her fiancée's back as the whole group lightly chuckles._

**JOHN: **I love you guys. _Puts his arm around Maria_

**MATT: **Aww, I love you too Johnny Poo!

**JOHN: **Gross, man.

**AMY: **So why exactly are we here again?

**SHAWN: **Well, the introductory paragraph insinuated it was to celebrate our friendship; so let's go with that.

**AMY: **While that's sweet and all, I have two babies at home that need me. So, if it's not important—

**TRISH: **You left your children home alone?

**MATT: **No, Ashley is there.

**AMY: **So basically, they're alone.

**MATT: **Oh God Amy…

**AMY: **What?

**MARIA: **You have to learn how to trust people!

**AMY: **When it deals with two living beings I went through a whole day of squeezing and immense pain for, trusting other people is just not…it's just not in the book.

_Silence._

**JOHN: **Yeah, I totally feel like eating now.

**SHAWN: **Amen!

**MARIA: **Where is the food anyway?

**CANDICE: **Maria, hon—

**MARIA: **I mean really, I pay hard-earned cash to have this beautiful dinner with the important people in my life, minus my mom…and my dad…and my cat—

**JOHN: **Sweetheart, we haven't ordered yet.

_Big blue eyes widen at what John says, and she looks at him, confused._

**MARIA: **Huh. Isn't that something? …Well I want linguine!

**JOHN: **Done.

**MARIA: **And world peace!

**JEFF & TRISH: …**Whatever you want.

**MARIA: **…Channing Tatum in my bedroom tonight?

**JOHN: **Umm—

**SHAWN: **Have it your way, "lawbreaker".

_Maria smiles with glee as John grimaces._

**MARIA: **_raises glass _I propose a toast to our friendship; because no matter what we get into, we can always count on our friends to get us out of it, even if it is the most ridiculously stupid situation to be in.

**CANDICE: **And because the opening paragraph said so!

"_To friendship!" The group exclaimed, clinking their glasses of wine against one another._

**JEFF: **To cheddar cheese because it is just so good!

**AMY: **And crackers.

**SHAWN: **And spandex pants.

**TRISH: **What?

**SHAWN: **What?

**CANDICE: **When you really think about it, our friendship has helped us out in so many situations.

**MARIA: **Yeah…a lot of situations.

**RANDY: **INNUMERATE situations.

**SHAWN: **IMPROBABLE situations.

**MATT: **IMPOSSIBLE situations.

**JOHN: **Yeah, like when we finally got Jeff to ask Trish out in high school.

_Everyone laughs, including Trish, while Jeff just smiles and looks down_

**JEFF: **Yeah, yeah…get it out of your system. What matters is I did, and I now have a beautiful woman by my side. _smiles at Trish_

**MATT: **No, what matters is it took nearly a year for you to do it.

**SHAWN: **And nearly twelve years to propose.

**RANDY: **And nearly ten years to get it in.

**JEFF: **Dude, how did you know?

**TRISH: **Oh God…_buries face in hands_

**RANDY: **EVERYBODY knew, bro.

**JEFF: **It's called being a gentleman!

**TRISH: **Yeah, just freely talk about our sex life at dinner. Lovely, Jeff.

**JEFF: **Aww, I love you too! _Grins_

**AMY: **I'm surprised no one else had asked you out, Trish.

**TRISH: **Sometimes I wish they did.

**JEFF: **You are just overflowing with love tonight! _Grins at her again_

**MATT: **Because as FRIENDS, Amy, we made sure to get the word around to the male population of the school that Trish was Jeff's!

**JEFF: **Aww, bro!

**MATT: **Besides, if you didn't get her in the end, I would've dealt with your constant sobbing and viewing of every Nicholas Sparks movie in existence.

**RANDY: **HA!

**MARIA: **Nicholas Sparks, Jeff?

**JEFF: **Hey. No matter what the situation is, that boy and girl STILL love each other!

**TRISH: **Oh honey…just stop talking.

**SHAWN: **Listen to the 'beautiful woman by your side', my boy.

**MATT: **I remember the day when Trish first came to school…Jeff was at a complete lost for words.

**JEFF: **Oh God no, not this story…

_~ In high school ~_

_17-year old Trish walks into the heavily populated public school, in wonder of the size. Just as she had walked in, 17-year olds Jeff, Matt and John were walking by._

**MATT: **Dude, you're wrong! Superman totally beats Batman!

**JEFF: **Dude, you're high! Batman could kick Superman's ass!

**MATT: **Superman has every power on earth! Batman just runs around in tights with a young boy sidekick!

**JOHN: **That is a little sketchy.

**JEFF: **Sketchy my ass. Batman is beast.

**MATT: **Suit yourself—"

**JOHN: **WHOA NELLY. _Stops Jeff and Matt from walking any further_

**MATT & JEFF: **What?

**JOHN: **_grins _Doctor, doctor…

**MATT: **I'm…not a doctor.

**JOHN: **No dude, look!

_John points toward Trish, his eyes wide. Matt finally sees her, and his eyes widen as well. _

**MATT: **Ring a-ding, ding…

**JEFF: **I'm…not a cow.

**MATT: **No dude, look!

_Jeff follows where Matt's finger was pointing, and at this point, Trish was fully aware of the gawking and drooling._

**JEFF: **…HUMMANAH HUMMANAH HUMMANAH HUMMANAH HUMMANAHHH HOT. DIGGITY. DOGGGGGGGGGG.

_Before Trish could get away from the scene, Jeff had dashed over to her._

**TRISH: **Umm, hi.

**JEFF: …**HUMMANAH HUMMANAH HUMMANAH…

**TRISH: **…Uhh…

**JEFF: **Do you like to paint faces?

**TRISH: **Umm—

**JEFF: **Maybe I could paint your face sometime!

**TRISH: **Uh, that's ok—

**JEFF: **Like now!

_Jeff takes face paint (he casually cares around with him) out of his backpack and throws a cascade of color into her face and hair. She stood there in absolute shock as kids stopped walking to look at the scene._

**JEFF: **You look beautiful!

_Trish didn't say a word as she turned around and walked out the building._

**JEFF: **I think Jeff has a new girlfriend! _grins_

**MATT: **It was hard to associate ourselves with him after that.

_Jeff was hiding his face in his hands at this point, Trish patting his back with a smile on her face._

**MARIA: **How could you have come back after that?

**TRISH: **_shrugs_I had to go to school somewhere.

**MARIA: **A school where some lunatic throws paint at you?

**JEFF: **Yeah thanks Maria.

**TRISH: **Eh…I thought he was cute…y'know, underneath the paint.

**JEFF: **Oh God. Darlin' thanks for not embarrassing me even though I had no idea I was supposed to be embarrassed.

**TRISH: **You're welcome _smiles and kisses his cheek_

**JEFF: **Did y'all see that? Jealous?

**RANDY: **Nope.

**MATT: **Nada.

**SHAWN: **Not at all.

**JOHN: **Not the slightest.

**MATT: **No offense Trish.

**TRISH: **I think you all drooling over me in high school were enough of endearments.

**MATT: **_smiles _We try

**MARIA: **When I think about it, our group is like a concoction of stereotypical high school cliques.

**MATT: **Really?

**MARIA: **Yeah! I mean, John, Shawn and Randy are the jocks, you and Jeff are the two weird brothers—

**MATT: **WHOA!

**JEFF: **We prefer "charismatic".

**MATT: **Or enigmatic.

**JEFF: **No, I'm the enigmatic one. Together, we're charismatic.

**CANDICE: **Wait, Jeff, I thought you were charismatic and enigmatic by yourself?

**JEFF: **…Oh yeah. _Stares into space and grins_

**CANDICE: **Then what does that make Matt?

**JEFF: **The hell do I care.

**MATT: **UGH! BITCH!

**JEFF: **WHORE!

**MATT: **WHOREBITCH!

**JEFF: **BITCHWHORE!

**SHAWN: **SO MUCH PROFANITY!

**MARIA: **My head hurts…

**JOHN: **I told you we should've stayed home and watched Sex and the City.

**MARIA: **Oh please. Sex and the City for you is just sex.

**JOHN: **And isn't that just the best?

**RANDY: **I hear you bro.

_Randy and John high five one another as Candice and Maria exchange disgusted looks._

_Meanwhile, the brothers are still bickering._

**TRISH: **Okay I swear Jeff, if you don't stop, you'll have a shovel lodged in your head.

**AMY: **And Matt, something equally painful will be afflicted on you too.

**MATT: **Like…?

**AMY: **…No brownies.

**MATT: …**I'll behave.

**JEFF: **_sits back and crosses arms _Whipped…

**SHAWN: **Whipped? Like whipped cream?

**CANDICE: **Why not?

**MATT: **I think we're out of whipped cream, Amy.

**AMY: **…Why do I care now?

**MATT: **We can't have brownies without whipped cream!

**AMY:** Seriously Matt, you have issues.

**MATT: **And that's why you all love me!

_Silence_

**SHAWN: **…Where's the waiter?

_Matt hangs his head as the rest of the group stops and looks around to see no waiter nearby._

**RANDY: **This is unacceptable!

**TRISH & CANDICE: **YEAH!

**JEFF: **Hey! Hey waiter!

_Inside the restaurant, a marauding waiter stops and looks at the party of people, glaring at him as if he owed them money. Curious yet scared, he slowly walks over, an indecipherable gleam in his eye._

**WAITER: **Can I…help you?

**JOHN: **You're damn right you can help us! MY WOMAN WANTS SPAGHETTI!

**MARIA: **Linguine, hon.

**JOHN: **FETTUCINE!

**WAITER: **Look, I don't know who you people are—

**AMY: **We're hungry people! And I've adapted to feeding two people in my uterus, and it might be awhile until I'm back on track.

**RANDY: **You wanna know how hungry we are? We still wanna eat after hearing THAT!

**WAITER: **…Did you people just walk in or something?

**MARIA: **Isn't that what we're supposed to do?

W**AITER: **Uh, not here.

**MARIA: **Well maybe you should consider altering your methods a little, hmm?

**WAITER: **Umm…

**SHAWN: **Listen to the lady, good sir. She gets a little feisty.

**MARIA: **YEAH! SO BRING ME MY LINGUINE!

**JOHN: **Spaghetti, hon.

**MARIA: **FETTUCINE!

**WAITER: **Where did you get those glasses of wine?

**JEFF: **Aren't we supposed to walk in and take people's glasses with no say whatsoever?

**WAITER: **NO! NOT HERE!

**JEFF: **Well maybe you should consider altering your methods a little, hmm?

**WAITER: **I don't know who you people are, but I'm asking politely for you to leave at once.

**RANDY: **Well we're going to respond with an impolite, "NO!"

**MATT: **WHAT HE SAID!

**SHAWN: **WHAT HE SAID HE SAID!

**WAITER: **Please don't raise your voice.

**TRISH: **OH THE VOICES ARE RAISED!

**AMY: **LIKE JESUS!

**JEFF & MATT: **YEAH!

_A man that appears to be the managers enters._

**MANAGER: **WHAT IS GOING ON?

**WAITER: **Hooligans sir! Hooligans!

**JEFF: **Excuse me, my name is Jeff.

_Trish hurries up and latches onto his arm._

**TRISH: **And I'm his fiancé. I'm also VERY hungry, so if your fat Italian cook would hurry up please? Thanks.

**MANAGER: **What? This is a Greek restaurant!

**TRISH: **Italian, Greek, what's the difference?

**JEFF: **Actually, Greece and Italians have similar tastes in the arts—

**TRISH: **SHUT UP!

**JEFF: **Okay…

**MANAGER: **Okay, all of you need to leave NOW.

_Our group of favorite wrestlers look at one another, and the guys begin to pursue the two diminutive men. _

**JOHN: **We're not leaving until we get food. So either give us the food _pummels fists together _or prepare to face the wrath of John Cena and company.

**RANDY, SHAWN, MATT, & JEFF: **And company?

**MANAGER: **I will not serve food to a group of bandersnatches who just waltz in and take my customers' drinks!

**MARIA: **Well maybe if your WAITER was quicker, we wouldn't have had to take those people's drinks, hmm? Survival of the fittest, my good man!

**WAITER: **What?

**MANAGER: **That makes no sense!

**MARIA: **It doesn't have to. I'M MARIA KANELLIS.

**MANAGER: **I don't care who you are, just LEAVE!

_Randy shoves the manager._

**RANDY: **MAKE US!

_The manager was now red in the face._

**MANAGER: **Not only am I forcing you to leave, but you are BANISHED from this restaurant!

**SHAWN: **Oh no for how long?

**CANDICE: **We accept…just so long as you give us food!

**MANAGER: **Oh, we'll give you something.

_The manager snaps his fingers, and five large, brute Italian men came out._

**MANAGER: **SICK THEM!

**1****ST**** BRUTE: **The first rule about the Fight Club, DON'T TALK ABOUT THE FIGHT CLUB!

_The 1st Brute picks up Maria and Trish, and heads to the doorway._

**MARIA & TRISH: **WHAT THE FRACK!

**JOHN: **HEY!

**JEFF: **I WORKED HARD TO GET THAT!

_As Jeff and John started running to catch up with the 1st Brute, the 2nd Brute picks both of them up._

**JOHN: **PUT US DOWN!

**2****ND**** BRUTE: **Nonsense, you're a wizard, Harry!

**JEFF: **Ugh, bro! It's called a shower! _Covers mouth_

**2****ND ****BRUTE: **You don't need to shower when you're MAGICAL!

**JOHN: **Actually, I think you DO.

_As the 2nd Brute carries John and Jeff away, the 3rd Brute begins to eye Candice and Amy._

**AMY: **Stay away you troll!

**CANDICE: **Hey good one!

**AMY: **Thanks!_High fives her_

**3****RD**** BRUTE: **HEY, LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN!

**CANDICE: **Uhh…we're listening?

**3****RD**** BRUTE: **HEY, LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN! HEY, LISTEN!

_The 3RD Brute continues to reiterate that vexatious phrase as he picks up Candice and Amy, and heads for the door._

**MATT: **GET OFF MY WOMAN YOU TROLL!

**RANDY: **Hey, good one!

**MATT: **Thanks! _High fives him_

_The 4th Brute came up to them. Matt and Randy immediately started backing up, their fists up._

**RANDY: **BACK OFF!

**4****TH**** BRUTE: **Fear not, Buttercup. I will always come for you.

**RANDY: **…

**MATT: **WHO THE HELL IS BUTTERCUP?

_Without any say, the 4th Brute carried them off, leaving a lonely Shawn. The manager nodded towards the 5th Brute, and he began advancing Shawn._

**SHAWN: **Whoa, big fellow. Just keep in mind I'm an old man, my bones are fragile—

**5****TH**** BRUTE: **Oh Romeo, Romeo...wherefore art thou, Romeo?

**SHAWN: **This ain't Romeo! This is the Showstopper, Mr. Wrestlemania, the Heartbreak Kid SHAWN MICH-

_The 5th Brute picked Shawn up with ease._

**SHAWN: **OKAY I'M ROMEO! I'M ROMEO!

_Shawn soon sees all of his young associates on the ground outside the restaurant, rubbing their backs and butts, assuming the brutes weren't exactly gentle._

**SHAWN: **Keep in mind, even though I'm Romeo Montague, I'm still a little old-

_The brute threw Shawn to the ground, grunted, and walked back into the restaurant, slamming and locking the doors._

_The group just kinda stares at each other as Shawn grunts in pain, trying to readjust himself into a comfortable situation. _

_With a disappointed sigh, Shawn finally spoke up._

**SHAWN: **Anyone for McDonald's?

**EVERYONE: **HELL YES!

**JEFF: **UNHEALTHY FOOD FOR WRESTLERS FOR THE WIN!

**THE END**

* * *

So I hope y'all liked it!

For those who might want to be aware, not only am I Im-A-Horror-Freak, but I'm also **HeavyMetalGirl256 **on Youtube, and I'm also **JeFfHaRdYLuVr4EvEr, **creator of **WWE Love and Laughs**

This was sort of a continuation, I suppose of the series since I literally can't continue it on Youtube. Fanfiction is so much easier as well!

So this is just gonna be random short stories of our favorite wrestlers. The latter of the group will be the characters you saw in this today. Sometimes it'll be with Ashley, Mickie, Maryse and Edge, and sometimes it might just be Shawn and John, Randy and Maria, Trish and Candice...whatever floats my boat.

Hopefully your boat will float with mine as well ^-^

~Im-A-Horror-Freak


	2. The Window

**The WWE Collections**

AKA, Just PURE FUN! :P

_This is a short collection of totally random short plays involving my favorite WWE superstars, retired, released, or still running._

_The chapters will not be connected in any sort of way, because it's well…random!_

_Anyway, let's get to the second story! _

_I didn't say number two, cuz…poop…and…_

_ENJOY! :D_

**The Window**

Starring:

Randy Orton

Candice Michelle

And Shawn Michaels

_Randy and Shawn walk into a Home Depot, Shawn swinging his arms with a certain type of defiant swagger._

**SHAWN: **I don't know why I'm here.

**RANDY: **_rolls eyes _You know Goddamn well why you're here.

_Before Shawn replies, he stops and gives Randy a stern look. Once more, Randy rolls his eyes._

**RANDY: **You know DAMN well why you're here.

_Shawn smiles with satisfaction and continues walking and talking._

**SHAWN: **You know, Randy…I really don't. You'd think I would, but I really don't.

**RANDY: **Alzheimer's…

**SHAWN: **HEY! Don't you dare discriminate Alzheimer's! It's a very real and serious disease!

**RANDY: **Fine, you're just stupid.

**SHAWN: **Well aren't YOU in a lovely mood today?

**RANDY: **I'm Randy Orton. For some reason, I'm always pissed off.

_Shawn nods to himself as the continue walking._

**SHAWN: **…I still don't know why I'm here.

**RANDY: **_sighs in annoyance _Look, you can be here for whatever reason you like.

_Shawn stops and looks around for a minute or two until he catches his eye on something._

**SHAWN: **Could it possibly be for the Sour Patch kids over there? _Points_

**RANDY: **…Fine.

**SHAWN: **DEEEEOYYYHEEEEOYHEE!

_Shawn skips over to the candy display, frightening away the small children with yells of the lagoon creature sort. _

_Randy sighs and walks over to the main desk._

**RANDY: **Excuse me, could you help me?

**WORKER: **No, I stand here because I'm sooooooo pretty.

**RANDY: **…Right. Anyway, I have to pick out a new window for my house. Is there anyone who can help me?

**WORKER: **Yeah, we'll call the Window Genie.

**RANDY: **Okay look lady, the sarcasm was cute at first but now it's just a pain in my—

**WORKER: **No, really, that's what he's called. The Window Genie.

**RANDY: **Um, I'm sorry?

**SHAWN: **_runs over _CAN I GET TWO?

**RANDY: **Yeah sure whatever. The Window Genie? Really?

**SHAWN: **DEEEEOYYYHEEEEOYHEE!

**WORKER: **_into walkie talkie _Window Genie to customer service desk, please. Window Genie to customer service desk.

**RANDY: **This has to be a joke—

"_Hellooooooooooooooooooo!" _

_Randy and Shawn turn around to see a man vested in an outfit fit for a genie, including the inflated pants and tight top that accented his muscles well. Of course, his muscles look like baby fat next to Randy and Shawn's, but he certainly drew eyes in with his virile features, yet his comically ironic flamboyant tone._

**WINDOW GENIE: **Howdie ho! I hear we're looking for some peering glass?

**SHAWN: **NOW it's a party!

**RANDY: **Uhh…if you mean windows, then yes.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Then FOLLOW ME! _Skips down the aisles_

_Randy follows slowly as Shawn skips alongside him, eating the Sour Patch kids._

**RANDY: **You know we need to pay for those?

**SHAWN: **Please, son. I don't endorse prostitution.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Now what type of window are you two boys looking for?

**RANDY & SHAWN: **BOYS?

**SHAWN: **When I was a boy, you weren't even a boy yet!

**WINDOW GENIE: **Ooh! So feisty!

_Shawn backs up a little as Randy steps forward._

**RANDY: **Just a big square one…

**WINDOW GENIE: **AH! I see…would you happen to know the dimensions?

**RANDY: **…No.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Well geewhilickers! How can we pick out the perfect fit for you then?

**RANDY: **Well, see, I would've measured it…but it got kind of…destroyed.

**WINDOW GENIE: **_gasps _DESTROYED? Who would destroy a window? Oh. Was it one of those pesky baseballs carelessly thrown by a little boy? Ugh. Sometimes parents really surprise me with the uncouth things they let their children act upon.

**RANDY: …**Right. I think if I just look around, I'll be able to see one that suits my size.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Or we could just go over to your house and look for ourselves!

**RANDY: **Uh…no thanks. My wife would probably have a heart attack…and since she's pregnant, it might even be an aneurysm as well.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Aww! You managed to get a wife?

**RANDY: **…What's that supposed to mean?

**SHAWN: **Hey did you find your friggin' window yet? I wanna go home and blog about my Sour Patch kids!

**WINDOW GENIE: **You blog too? Oh! We could be blog buddies!

_Shawn smiles a little, and backs up farther as Randy closes in on the…genie._

**RANDY: **Are you insinuating I can't get a wife?

**WINDOW GENIE: **I'm insinuating nothing, grumpy pants!

**RANDY: **Oh you're insinuating something! _Pulls out picture of Candice and shoves it in his face _SEE? She exists!

**SHAWN: **Sorry, he gets like this a lot. CAN WE PLEASE GO HOME NOW? VICTORIOUS IS ON!

**RANDY: **…What?

**SHAWN: **I wanna let it shine Randy!

…

**RANDY: **Whatever, never mind. _Puts photo away _the point of me being here is my window got DESTROYED – _looks at Shawn, whom looks down and scratches the back of his head – _and I need a new one.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Well what went down?

**SHAWN: **I'll tell you what went down. The curiosity of a child.

**RANDY: **An aged child.

**SHAWN: **See, I had just finished working out, and I felt AMAZING. As if I were thirty again, y'know that feel—oh. Anyway, I just wanted to punch something, and Randy's window just so happened to be there.

**RANDY: **Don't ask why he was there…for some reason he thought I served Rita's out my window…

**SHAWN: **Hey. It's an idea. It could make you less angry all the time. Rita's is, after all, happiness in a cup.

**RANDY: **I was told that was beer.

_Randy stops._

**RANDY: **Dude. BEER FLAVORED ICE.

**SHAWN: **See, this is why you should sell Rita's at your window.

**WINDOW GENIE: **Yes, well, I'll let you two clowns browse around…holler if you need me!

**SHAWN: **Gotcha! _Whispers to Randy _whisper as soft as you can, please.

**RANDY: **_whispers _Gotcha back, brother.

_Shawn and Randy start meandering amongst the window displays, and if Shawn had a question, he made sure to tip toe over to Randy and ask him. _

**SHAWN: **Seriously. The guy creeps me out.

**RANDY: **You're not the only one.

_After about ten minutes of golden, unexpected silence from the two, along with Shawn munching on Sour Patch kids, Randy finally found the perfect window. _

_He motions for Shawn to come over, and the exchange whispers._

**RANDY: **This looks a lot like the window you completely demolished, right?

**SHAWN: **This is the one, man! It's missing something though…

**RANDY: **What?

**SHAWN: **The Rita's sign. Duh.

**RANDY: **…We'll add some things. For now, let's just get this window to the checkout before that freakzoid comes back.

**SHAWN: **heheheheh…freakzoid.

_Randy carefully picks the windows up, and they start walking quietly to checkout…until Randy's cell phone rang._

**RANDY: **_whispers _Hello?

**CANDICE: **RANDY KEITH ORTON! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

**RANDY: **_still whispering _Oh screw my life…baby! What's up?

**CANDICE: **What's UP? Well, there are birds just flying freely in our home! I'm PREGNANT Randy! If anything, some of these wild animals could make me miscarriage right here and now! GET THE DAMN WINDOW AND PUT IT IN ALREADY!

**RANDY: **KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!

**CANDICE: **WHY SHOULD I?

_Randy stops to think. He was talking to a seven-month pregnant woman, so he had adapted to choosing his words carefully._

**RANDY: **Because you're currently carrying our child and I don't want you under anymore stress than you are right now. I love you so much, so could you please settle down, for me?

_There is a pause. Shawn gives him a thumbs-up as Randy grins in glory._

**CANDICE: **Aww, darling. That's so sweet.

**RANDY: **Anything for my amazing wife!

**CANDICE: **You know what would be even more amazing?

**RANDY: **What's that my sweet?

**CANDICE: **GET YOUR ASS HOME AND PUT A DAMN WINDOW IN!

_Randy hears a click, and stares down at the phone._

**RANDY: **Damn. I thought for sure that would work.

**SHAWN: **Oof. That was rough, bro.

**WINDOW GENIE: **WHAT WAS ROUGH?

"_AAAAHHHH!" Randy and Shawn exclaim, as they turn around to see the Window Genie grinning like The Joker, having listened into the conversation._

**WINDOW GENIE: **Hopefully that wife of yours sticks around, big boy!

_Randy grimaces as Shawn backs up again, taking the window with him. _

**RANDY: **Look, we found our window. We don't need your help anymore so, good day!

**WINDOW GENIE: **Oh, just one more thing!

_Randy turns back around, and glares at the foolish man. "What?" He questions._

**WINDOW GENIE: **_mischievously grins _I'll be waiting for you.

_Randy's eyes widen with slight shock as he stares at the man whose grin grew wider (and creepier). He treaded after Shawn, not taking a glance back._

**SHAWN: **I paid!

**RANDY: **Good! Let's get the HELL out of here!

_Randy bolts out the door as Shawn looks around, and sees the genie smiling eerily at them. _

**SHAWN: **GAAHH!

_Shawn bolts with the window to where Randy is standing._

**RANDY: **Let's vow to NEVER go in there again.

**SHAWN: **Agreed. Sour Patch kids are sold everywhere in the US. Buy them now kids!

**RANDY: **Hopefully this window will last a long, long time…so we never have to go back.

**SHAWN: **Well, there's only one way to find out.

_Shawn hands the mirror to Randy, and with no hesitation, nailed his right fist dead center into the window, shattering the glass into a million pieces._

_He looks up with Randy with a look of disappointment._

**SHAWN: **I guess it's not Rita's material.

_Randy doesn't say a word as he slowly turns around, and walks back into the Home Depot, leaving Shawn in the parking lot._

**SHAWN: **…Eh, it was worth it.

**THE END**

* * *

****Story 2. Yaaaaaay.

This is a paradigm of a shorter story in this collection of randomsauce scrambled eggs.

What?

What?

Anyways hope you enjoyed :D

~Im-A-Horror-Freak


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